Outward Bound Middle East?

Sometime this summer 3 Americans were detained by the Iranian government. The story has been kind of  pretty vague as far as I can see in the US media but from what I’ve heard the story is this, 3 American students while hiking the beautiful mountians along the Iraq/Iran border, good one dipshits. What about this doesn’t sound right? Well there are a few things! What students decide to go into a county at war to go “hiking”? What parent in their right mind says “Oh sure that’s a great idea! go camping in Iraq!” The biggest puzzle for me is how do 3 American kids get past US military forces to go “hiking” along a  hostile border? We’ve heard for years about Iranian weapons being smuggled across the Iran/Iraq border and being used by terrorist groups and insurgents against American forces. Well if these 3 dipshits can just  boogie up and down the border and the military didn’t seem to notice then “Good one, US armed forces! way to secure the border!” Iranian authorities detianed the 3 “hikers” and are accusing them of spying!! I am really curious to see how this all plays out. Something just doesn’t seem right? Who are these “hikers”, why were they in such a hostile place, and how the fuck did they get there? I know Iran’s biggest adversary  is Israel, did these “hikers” spend any time in Israel or have any connection to Israel? I haven’t heard anything but it would be curious to find out? Were they CIA? I just can’t uderstand how or why and person with 4 or more brain cells would think that would be a cool place to camp?!! If they do end up being spys I guess they’ll be fucked and that’s just part of the job. If they’re not spys I would they should be in a world of shit for just being stupid! So let me tell ya kids, do your homework, don’t do drugs, and for God sake don’t go camping in enemy nations! Sometimes it’s like talkin’ to a brick wall!

Ho, Ho, Ho???

The wife was watching TV this evening. Most of the time I usually pay half attention because I don’t have much intrest in most of the shows she likes, tonight wasn’t much different. I noticed she was watching one of those feel good made for TV Christmas movies that I really find boring as hell. As I briefly looked up at the set I noticed one of the main characters was played by over a decade done has-been “party girl” Jenny McCarthy? The same Jenny McCarthy that not that long ago was breakin’ out her boobies and wolfman in the pages of dirty magazines for money! What casting agent in their right mind would throw Jenny McCarthy in a “family” movie? I kept waiting for the plot action in the movie to switch to Jenny giving Santa a hand-job or her feeding the Reindeer naked, but it never happened. I guess as the years go by the bar of family television morality has been dumped somewhere off the continental shelf which I guess I shouldn’t have a problem with. Maybe next year we’ll get to see Jenna Jamison and Peter North in a remake of It’s a Wonderful Life? Could Ron Jeremy perhaps be cast as the ghost of Christmas past in a Christmas Carol? I bet they could break out  Candy Samples old ass as a huge titted Mrs. Claus! I guess we’ll have to wait till next year to see what new bottom-feeders pop up in “Family” entertainment?

Zhu Zhu pets? Gimme a break!

Here we go again, every few years the holidays seem to be a buzz about a certain toy, a special toy, one that every kid just HAS to have! The 80′s had Cabbage Patch Kids, the 90′s had Tickle me Elmo, and now the 00′s have theirs…Zhu Zhu Pets? From what I have seen about Zhu Zhu pets the gimmick is basically a little electronic hamster that scoots through a kind of habitrail set-up…in other words, the stupidist fuckin’ thing in the world! For less money one could actually buy a REAL hampster, colored plastic cage complete with cool tubes, running wheel, food and bedding. When I was a kid I had hamsters, gerbils, guinea pigs and all sorts of small pets, I have always loved animals! Since kids today have become such a spoon-fed class of Mama’s lap children I guess they probably wouldn’t be able to be responsible enough to take care of an actual LIVING pet, what a Goddamn shame! I guess the Zhu Zhu pet is all that this generation gets?

With this HOT toy setting Christmas 2009 on fire it’s no surprise that there is some BAD news about the little hamster bot. Reports have been saying Zhu Zhu Pet could be DANGEROUS!!! OMG! Did the Zhu Zhu bot take a playbook from the movie Westworld? Are Zhu Zhu pets going crazy and biting their MASTERS? NO, It could have never been that cool! Turns out they’re saying that the little hamsters may have a heavy metal similar to lead inside their cute little bodies. I never quite got the whole lead fear frenzy? I had Tonka Trucks, Matchbox cars, and dozens of other toys probably coated with all kinds of lead paint…I’m fine! I checked the Zhu Zhu pet instruction manual, it says “ages 4 and up”. From the way I see it if a child 4 or older is being poisoned from trying to EAT his or her Zhu Zhu pet then the kid’s a fuckin’ mongoloid and the child was damaged goods to begin with. A helmet, drool bib, and Barney DVD would have been a more appropriate Christmas gift anyway!

Happy Halloween Assholes!

Every year around this time my thoughts go to Halloween. As a kid growing up in the midwest I always loved halloween! It was kind of like summertime’s last breath. Piles of leaves, acrorns, pumpkins, and trick or treating! What a glorious timeto be a child, I got to experience Halloween’s greatest generation.

I embarked on my Halloweening around 1975, I was 5 years old and had a good run untill about 1983. I remember spooky decorations on almost all the houses in my neighborhood. Skulls, Jack-o-lantrens, tombstones, everyone seemed to have the Halloween spirit.

The weeks leading up to Halloween were spent going with family and friends to haunted houses. Most were pretty low budget and ran by a Jaycees or Kiwanis group but a few really put alot of effort into scaring the piss out of us little kids! I remember the belly of butterflies as we waited in the line to get in, screaming, crashing, and other sounds that were recorded on tape and played outside. Things were always crazy once inside being chased by monsters in the dark with the occasional strobe light. The whole thing lasted no more than 10 minutes but was well worth the hour wait!

Finally at the end of October the day was here HALLOWEEN! My first mermories of All Hallows Eve I wore these cheap plastic costumes made by a company called Ben Cooper, everyone had them! I remember having Chewbacca, Gene Simmons of Kiss, and Evel Knievel! The costume came in a cardboard box with a plastic mask and a thin plastic cover-all type suit that kinda laced up the back. Back when I was a kid the trick or treat hours seemed to be much longer, from like 5 to 9. As soon as 5 rolled around I was gone! No parents slowin’ me down, I was on the quest for candy! I would always hook-up with other kids I knew and we would hit the houses as a team. There seemed to be hundreds of kids, if you were with your folks you’d better be prepared to be teased at school the next day, those kids were pansies! Our feet never hit the sidewalk, we trampled flowers, bushes, and anything else in our way! Within the first 1/2 hour my Ben Cooper costume would be torn and shredded! By 7 o’clock I was basically running house to house in my underwear with torn hunks of plastic hanging off my body. I was almost naked but I didn’t give a shit! I just wanted more candy! Some people gave out “big” candy bars but most gave the “fun size”, a buddy of mine said recently “what’s fun about less candy”? I agree! The people who really sucked were the assholes who would hand out apples or raisins! Hippy ass fruitcakes! These people would usually end up with a busted pumpkin on the porch! Along the way some people would really get into the spirit, making haunted garages, chasing us with the chainsaw, or hiding in the leaves and scaring us! God bless those people!

When we would finally get home with our pillowcaes filled with candy our parents would try and scare us with bullshit stories of razor blades and pins in our candy and they needed to “inspect it”, this was a sham so they could pick out the shit they liked! Boy were we stupid!

These were the golden age of trick-or-treating, unfortunatly those times have passed.

Nowadays Halloween is dying a slow death! Fewer and fewer kids, the ones that do come out are in tow with their parents. No zombies, ghosts, monsters just Sherk, Thomas the Train, and Dora the Explorer, what a bunchof horseshit!  Half the houses don’t give out candy, in my day those house’s would have pumkin guts all over the porch! If you have kids do whatever you can to save Halloween! Take them to Haunted Houses, show them monster movies, let them overdose on candy! Make their childhood count! And NO, “kid friendly”,”non scary”, or “healthy” are not good when it comes to Halloween, they are child abuse!

What’s a WordPress?

This is a test of the emergency blogging system, this is only a test!

After blogging for years on Myspace I am stepping into new forum, WordPress. My buddy Ron encouraged me to set up an account and give it a shot. I really don’t understand it’s capabitities but hopefully I figure it out. I’ll have to figure out all the bells and whistles but I’m sure I’ll be fine! It’s Friday night, I’m eatin’ a cherry poptart, all is well in my world!